Music For People Who Don't Like Music
So we all know those weird people who are not really into music. They are the people who when you ask them what type of music they like, they always reply, " Oh everything" or "whatever's on the radio". When you go over their house, they have like 10 CD's (if that). Anyway I have compiled a list of five albums that people who don't like music always have. Must of the CD's on this list are greatest hits albums. I know this is a weird concept. Serious music snobs such as myself generally stay away from greatest hits albums. We tend to prefer to own everything by a band. But I digress. Now all but one of these bands I have a lot of respect for. All but one has made many important contributions to the world of music and rock in particular. These are just albums that I myself would be embarrassed to own. Generally these are albums completely devoid of anything controversial and are the type of music it would be safe for a secretary to play in a dentist's office. Here is my list of the five albums that you will generally find in any non music fan's collection. In other words these are the albums which would play in my personal hell.
1. Bob Marley: Legend- I wanted to start with my favorite artist on this list first. True Bob Marley popularized reggae and made it accessible to a middle class white audience. This is not as bad a thing as some would think. The positive message of unity which encompasses much of Bob Marley's music is something that should be universally shared. My big problem with this album is that so many people buy it and rather than use it as the introduction to Bob Marley and Reggae in general. They never make it past No Woman No Cry. Going to school at UMASS, I could not avoid this album coming from just about everywhere be it a trust fund hippie's dorm room or blasting out of some SUV on its way to a frat party.
2. The Grateful Dead: Skeletons In The Closet- At one time when I has a crusty punk who hated anything associated with hippies, I dismissed everything to do with the Dead. As I have grown older (and maybe less crouchety) I have come to appreciate some Grateful Dead albums. I mean I can listen to Workingman's Dead and American Beauty and not cringe (as long as there is no petchouli scent). No the reason why I hate Skeletons In The Closet is that it is the first stepping stone that every annoying neo-trustfund-hippie always takes. If they then expanded it past a greatest hits album, it would be slightly more bearable. Unfortunately most neo-hippies just buy this album, put on some petchouli and grow whitey dreads. One of my favorite games to play with fools wearing Dead shirts is to ask them what their favorite Dead album is just to see how many of them say Skeletons. I think the percentage is up near 98.
3. The Doors: The Best of the Doors- Yes its another greatest hits album. This album may be the most risque of all the albums on the list. I mean The Doors had the nerve not to change the lyrics to Light My Fire when they played the Ed Sullivan show. This album is also unique for this list as its the only double album. Its kinda pricey for someone who does not put much stock in their music collection. Also most people only listen to first CD of this two CD set. They usually just put on disk two in order to listen to Hello, I Love You and they certainly don't leave it on to listen to Roadhouse Blues.
4. Dave Matthews Band: Any Album- Dave Matthews has the unique position on this list as being the only band which I absolutely can not abide. I was not able to give just one of his albums because they all sound the same. Seriously Dave Matthews has to be the most generic sounding dung ever recorded. Dave Matthews Band fans always argue what good musicians the band is. Musicianship is no substitute for inventiveness. You can play the most complicated guitar solo in the world, but it doesn't mean shit if it doesn't elicit some type of emotion response. It is no wonder that every Aerocrombie and Fitch shopping Jeep Cherokee driving clone loves this band.
5. REM: Automatic For The People- This choose was the hardest one for me to make. There were other albums which I considered putting in this place. I mean some possible bands included The Beatles, Pink Floyd and even Nirvana. Ultimately Automatic For The People won out. One reason why it was so hard for me to choose this album was because of how much respect I have for REM. I mean being an Indie Rock Fan, REM's influence on the genre can not be ignored. Plus for years they put out such good jangly guitar albums that it is next to impossible not to like the band. Ultimately what placed Automatic For The People on this not so glorious list was Everybody Hurts. That one song ruined me for ever buying a new REM album again. I will never forgive REM for writing that overly Hallmark card sentimental drivel. Also there is no way that the video for Everybody Hurts deserved to beat out the Spike Jonze directed video for Sabotage in the 1992 VMA's.
Having writing about these five albums, I feel dirty. Its time to cleanse my musical palet. I think I'll put on Rapeman. That ought to do the trick.
1. Bob Marley: Legend- I wanted to start with my favorite artist on this list first. True Bob Marley popularized reggae and made it accessible to a middle class white audience. This is not as bad a thing as some would think. The positive message of unity which encompasses much of Bob Marley's music is something that should be universally shared. My big problem with this album is that so many people buy it and rather than use it as the introduction to Bob Marley and Reggae in general. They never make it past No Woman No Cry. Going to school at UMASS, I could not avoid this album coming from just about everywhere be it a trust fund hippie's dorm room or blasting out of some SUV on its way to a frat party.
2. The Grateful Dead: Skeletons In The Closet- At one time when I has a crusty punk who hated anything associated with hippies, I dismissed everything to do with the Dead. As I have grown older (and maybe less crouchety) I have come to appreciate some Grateful Dead albums. I mean I can listen to Workingman's Dead and American Beauty and not cringe (as long as there is no petchouli scent). No the reason why I hate Skeletons In The Closet is that it is the first stepping stone that every annoying neo-trustfund-hippie always takes. If they then expanded it past a greatest hits album, it would be slightly more bearable. Unfortunately most neo-hippies just buy this album, put on some petchouli and grow whitey dreads. One of my favorite games to play with fools wearing Dead shirts is to ask them what their favorite Dead album is just to see how many of them say Skeletons. I think the percentage is up near 98.
3. The Doors: The Best of the Doors- Yes its another greatest hits album. This album may be the most risque of all the albums on the list. I mean The Doors had the nerve not to change the lyrics to Light My Fire when they played the Ed Sullivan show. This album is also unique for this list as its the only double album. Its kinda pricey for someone who does not put much stock in their music collection. Also most people only listen to first CD of this two CD set. They usually just put on disk two in order to listen to Hello, I Love You and they certainly don't leave it on to listen to Roadhouse Blues.
4. Dave Matthews Band: Any Album- Dave Matthews has the unique position on this list as being the only band which I absolutely can not abide. I was not able to give just one of his albums because they all sound the same. Seriously Dave Matthews has to be the most generic sounding dung ever recorded. Dave Matthews Band fans always argue what good musicians the band is. Musicianship is no substitute for inventiveness. You can play the most complicated guitar solo in the world, but it doesn't mean shit if it doesn't elicit some type of emotion response. It is no wonder that every Aerocrombie and Fitch shopping Jeep Cherokee driving clone loves this band.
5. REM: Automatic For The People- This choose was the hardest one for me to make. There were other albums which I considered putting in this place. I mean some possible bands included The Beatles, Pink Floyd and even Nirvana. Ultimately Automatic For The People won out. One reason why it was so hard for me to choose this album was because of how much respect I have for REM. I mean being an Indie Rock Fan, REM's influence on the genre can not be ignored. Plus for years they put out such good jangly guitar albums that it is next to impossible not to like the band. Ultimately what placed Automatic For The People on this not so glorious list was Everybody Hurts. That one song ruined me for ever buying a new REM album again. I will never forgive REM for writing that overly Hallmark card sentimental drivel. Also there is no way that the video for Everybody Hurts deserved to beat out the Spike Jonze directed video for Sabotage in the 1992 VMA's.
Having writing about these five albums, I feel dirty. Its time to cleanse my musical palet. I think I'll put on Rapeman. That ought to do the trick.
posted by DrunkAfterWork at 11/12/2005 07:45:00 PM
2 Comments:
Those bands are in a whole different class. This list was albums which everyone has. As boring as Weezer has become, I still don't see too many secretaries rocking out to We're All On Drugs.
REM, bah humbug! The #5 album owned by people who don't like music is definitely Clapton Unplugged. Everyone from the boringest secretary to the most brain dead stoner frat boy can [not] rock out to the Yuppieized "Layla."
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