Too Much Gin, Too Much Sin

Nick Hornby wrote in High Fidelity that the reason why he is such a music fan is because of the world found within the vinyl grooves of his record collection. Listening to music was an escape from his mundane everyday life. All he had to do was put on a record and suddenly that he was immersed in a world much more beautiful, dirty, dangerous and exciting than his reality. Reading these lines, I saw a parallel in my own life. Of course this is not a unique feeling. Most of the music fans I know all relate to the character Rob Fleming in High Fidelity . We all have problems with relationships and when things go wrong, retire away to bedrooms and blast music to soothe our battered souls.

For me this has always been punk music. I have a romantic attachment to the working class values espoused with those distorted Gibsons blaring forth from a Marshall. My own alienation was just as self created as it was product of my surroundings. I didn't come from that disfunctional of a family and I never really had to steal to survive. To paraphrase Pulp, "Just a phone call and I could stop it all." Of course the only similarities between Pulp and punk is in Pulp's working class background in Sheffield.

So this brings me to band I haven't thought about in a few years, The Amazing Crowns nee The Amazing ROYAL Crowns. The Crowns were one of the rockabilly bands who came to prominence about 10 years ago. They were one of the first bands to hitch up the rockabilly revival bandwagon. As is nearly always the case with revival movements, the first bands are usually the best and The Crowns were no exception to this rule.

Not only that but The Crowns were the real deal. Rumor has it that their lead singer Jason Kendall was a car thief prior to forming the band. Totally punk rock. Anyway The Amazing Royal Crowns' music took you back to gin joints and seedy tattoo parlors. They sang about fast cars, cheap sex and Johnny Cash. It was fast lifestyle that I always wanted but was too middle class to have. Instead I put on the records and go to the shows and lose myself in the music.

I have often been accused of living too much within music and speaking in lyrics. Personally I find that anything I might have to say has most likely been said more eloquently by someone else and why not paraphrase these sentiments (such as I did with Pulp earlier). Also what's so wrong with using music as an escape mechanism? I mean people have all kinds of different ways to get a break from reality. I mean I think that retreating to my room to listen to records is much better than sitting glued to the television. Even watching mind numbing reality TV is healthier than some methods of escape.

I mean isn't it better to listen to a song such as Rollarcoaster about Johnny Cash's amphetamine addiction much better than going out and getting my own? So I'll imagine myself in the Live Fast, Die Young rock 'n' roll world of The Amazing Royal Crowns' Halos & Horns .

I live fast don't look behind
I'll make my peace in my own time
It may be reckless but its my choice
No one should die before they make a noise
I always liked sinners more than saints
They try to save our soul - its too late
I can't deny I'm headed down
I can't deny I'm Hell bound

We've got halos above these horns!
Say it once! You've been warned!
We've been judged since we've been born!
We've got halos above these horns!

Music For People Who Don't Like Music

So we all know those weird people who are not really into music. They are the people who when you ask them what type of music they like, they always reply, " Oh everything" or "whatever's on the radio". When you go over their house, they have like 10 CD's (if that). Anyway I have compiled a list of five albums that people who don't like music always have. Must of the CD's on this list are greatest hits albums. I know this is a weird concept. Serious music snobs such as myself generally stay away from greatest hits albums. We tend to prefer to own everything by a band. But I digress. Now all but one of these bands I have a lot of respect for. All but one has made many important contributions to the world of music and rock in particular. These are just albums that I myself would be embarrassed to own. Generally these are albums completely devoid of anything controversial and are the type of music it would be safe for a secretary to play in a dentist's office. Here is my list of the five albums that you will generally find in any non music fan's collection. In other words these are the albums which would play in my personal hell.

1. Bob Marley: Legend- I wanted to start with my favorite artist on this list first. True Bob Marley popularized reggae and made it accessible to a middle class white audience. This is not as bad a thing as some would think. The positive message of unity which encompasses much of Bob Marley's music is something that should be universally shared. My big problem with this album is that so many people buy it and rather than use it as the introduction to Bob Marley and Reggae in general. They never make it past No Woman No Cry. Going to school at UMASS, I could not avoid this album coming from just about everywhere be it a trust fund hippie's dorm room or blasting out of some SUV on its way to a frat party.

2. The Grateful Dead: Skeletons In The Closet- At one time when I has a crusty punk who hated anything associated with hippies, I dismissed everything to do with the Dead. As I have grown older (and maybe less crouchety) I have come to appreciate some Grateful Dead albums. I mean I can listen to Workingman's Dead and American Beauty and not cringe (as long as there is no petchouli scent). No the reason why I hate Skeletons In The Closet is that it is the first stepping stone that every annoying neo-trustfund-hippie always takes. If they then expanded it past a greatest hits album, it would be slightly more bearable. Unfortunately most neo-hippies just buy this album, put on some petchouli and grow whitey dreads. One of my favorite games to play with fools wearing Dead shirts is to ask them what their favorite Dead album is just to see how many of them say Skeletons. I think the percentage is up near 98.

3. The Doors: The Best of the Doors- Yes its another greatest hits album. This album may be the most risque of all the albums on the list. I mean The Doors had the nerve not to change the lyrics to Light My Fire when they played the Ed Sullivan show. This album is also unique for this list as its the only double album. Its kinda pricey for someone who does not put much stock in their music collection. Also most people only listen to first CD of this two CD set. They usually just put on disk two in order to listen to Hello, I Love You and they certainly don't leave it on to listen to Roadhouse Blues.

4. Dave Matthews Band: Any Album- Dave Matthews has the unique position on this list as being the only band which I absolutely can not abide. I was not able to give just one of his albums because they all sound the same. Seriously Dave Matthews has to be the most generic sounding dung ever recorded. Dave Matthews Band fans always argue what good musicians the band is. Musicianship is no substitute for inventiveness. You can play the most complicated guitar solo in the world, but it doesn't mean shit if it doesn't elicit some type of emotion response. It is no wonder that every Aerocrombie and Fitch shopping Jeep Cherokee driving clone loves this band.

5. REM: Automatic For The People- This choose was the hardest one for me to make. There were other albums which I considered putting in this place. I mean some possible bands included The Beatles, Pink Floyd and even Nirvana. Ultimately Automatic For The People won out. One reason why it was so hard for me to choose this album was because of how much respect I have for REM. I mean being an Indie Rock Fan, REM's influence on the genre can not be ignored. Plus for years they put out such good jangly guitar albums that it is next to impossible not to like the band. Ultimately what placed Automatic For The People on this not so glorious list was Everybody Hurts. That one song ruined me for ever buying a new REM album again. I will never forgive REM for writing that overly Hallmark card sentimental drivel. Also there is no way that the video for Everybody Hurts deserved to beat out the Spike Jonze directed video for Sabotage in the 1992 VMA's.

Having writing about these five albums, I feel dirty. Its time to cleanse my musical palet. I think I'll put on Rapeman. That ought to do the trick.

The Beatles Don't Live Here

Let me get one thing straight, I don't dislike The Beatles. On the contrary, I find many of their songs to be quite enjoyable. What I do disagree with are all those people who seem to think that every band to use guitar, bass and drums since The Beatles are somehow not only influenced by The Beatles but somehow owe a debt to The Beatles. These people seem to think that if it weren't for The Beatles, rock would be dead. Despite the new wave of "mall punk" such as Good Charlotte and My Chemical Romance trying to give credence too this assertion, rock would not be dead without The Beatles.

So for my first diatribe, I will talk about the band who influenced most of (if not all) of my favorite bands. Coincidently, they are also one of my favorite bands. I am of course referring to the immortal Velvet Underground.

Whenever I argue about The Beatles influence on modern rock, its The Velvet Underground who I bring up as an example. Now yes the first Velvet Underground album was released after the first Beatles album. However Beatles fans tend to assert that Sg. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band influenced the Velvets. This just shows ignorance and a complete lack of historical context. The Velvet Underground and Nico was released in 1967 the same year as Sg Pepper's. In fact the VU album was released two months prior to Sg. Pepper's. This is deceiving as well when you consider that the Velvets recorded the album a whole year before it saw release.

So this puts Velvet Underground and Nico on par with Revolver. I am not going to question that Revolver was not a great album. It is one of the few Beatles album which I can stand to listen to, well most of it that is. So now lets compare the two albums. Firstly Revolver features the unforgivable Yellow Submarine. This is a song that was so retarded, it was given to Ringo to sing. Nowhere on the Velvets album do you find anything near as lame as Yellow Submarine. Some people argue that this shows the whimsical side of The Beatles. While the Velvet Underground may not necessarily have a whimsical side to them, they are not without a sense of humor. I offer I'm Waiting For The Man as an example of The Velvet's sense of humor. Lou Reed manages to convey the absurdity of of a junkie waiting to score with the self depreciating humor of a true satirist.

Ok Revolver does contain my favorite Beatles song the immortal Eleanor Rigby. This song is a great example of The Beatles ability to use non traditional rock instruments and incorporate them into a traditional rock arrangement. I will not argue at at times the Beatles were truly innovative, but there was always restraint on their part. While there is a sense of subversiveness in Eleanor Rigby, The Beatles have always restrained themselves so as not to be too controversial and offend the general record buying public.

Now the Velvet Underground on the other hand have never tried to hide their controversiality. Take for example the in your face Heroin. While The Beatles made fancy allusions to their illicit drug use (Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds), Lou Reed lays it right out in front:

cause when the smack begins to flow
Then I really don't care anymore
Ah, when the heroin is in my blood
And that blood is in my head
Then thank God that I'm as good as dead
Then thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care
And I guess I just don't know
And I guess I just don't know

Now theres the question of lasting influnece. Now I'm sure there are plenty of cookie cutter pop bands who worship at the alter of John and Paul vocal harmonizing. This is not a completely bad thing. I mean thats a pretty good way to go if your primary focus is selling records. However musicians who actually want to make challenging and interesting music all cite The Velvet Underground as the biggest inspiration. The Velvet's legacy starts with their most immediate precessors, The MC5 and The Stooges. After these two band, the influence splits to the protopunk bands in New York such as Television, The Voidoids, New York Dolls and Suicide then across the Atlantic they influnced many of the great post-punk bands like Wire, Joy Division and Gang of Four. From these bands we get to the currant bands such as Interpol, The Strokes and Radio 4. The represents a pedigree much better than any of the generic pop music spawned by The Beatles.